TORN

I found the one who's made for me
he was my missing soul,
I ever tried to make us be
a single loving whole.

We shared a life with laughter filled.
We walked the earth as friends.
And, yet my needs were never stilled,
wants never seemed to end.

My world was filled with shadows dim,
I couldn't penetrate,
and years I cried and fought with him,
but couldn't find the gate.

I battled long to fix my needs,
believed it was my lack
Yet, nothing seemed to set me free,
and bring the loving back.

I struggled ever to define
the yawning emptiness,
and tried to change each need of mine,
to find our happiness.

It was his fault, I often cried,
but, more I felt the blame,
and unfulfilled, within I died,
and anguished in the shame.

He's always been the one I want,
no matter what I do.
Comparison of him still haunts
in all that I pursue.

I search now landscape incomplete,
a painting of my life,
with all but passion's need replete,
I'm mother, friend, and wife.

I wait now trapped inside my mind,
and tortured by the real.
I know I'll seek, but never find
what he should make me feel.

He holds the brush but will not take
that final loving stroke.
Denies my need and will not make
me wear his Master's yoke.

I hate him now for love undone,
for all the shame I feel.
I love him still, the only one,
for whom I ache to kneel.©

Written for a friend.
~RAC 3-20-99~